An observation — They say that when you have a baby, you lose 700 hours of sleep in the first year, but it’s worth it when they’re old enough to do the yard work.
That doesn’t sound promising — As a nervous flyer, I was concerned when the plane bumped down three times before coming to a stop in Chicago for a short stopover.
I was seated at the back of the plane, and heard one flight attendant say to another, “Wow! That was a bad landing!”
Imagine my horror when the other flight attendant replied, “Not for him, it wasn’t.”
Upgrades? — Traveling the West Virginia Turnpike, my husband and I saw a toll-booth entrance being ripped up, concrete roadway and all. We asked an attendant if some new convenience was being installed for the workers.
No way,” she replied. “They lost a quarter.”
Little Johnny at school — One day after school Grandpa asked Little Johnny what he did in school. Little Johnny said that he played.
Grandpa asked him if that was the only thing he did all day.
Little Johnny said, “No, we did something else and it was really important, but I don’t remember what it was!”
Just so you know — The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Truth in advertising — An honest weatherman says, “Today’s forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I’m wrong.”
It’s a dog’s life — Anytime you think of your dog as a dumb animal, remember who is working so hard to feed him well.
Were you expecting anyone? — Two astronauts were in a space craft circling thousands of miles above the earth. According to plan, one astronaut was to leave the ship and go on a 15-minute space walk. The other was to remain inside.
After completing his walk, the first astronaut tried to get back inside, but the door was locked. He knocked.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, a voice from inside the space craft spoke up: "Who’s there?"
From the (Larry) Fox Files — During his physical examination, a doctor asked a retired man about his physical activity level.
The man said he spent three days a week, every week in the outdoors.
“Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about seven miles through some pretty rough terrain.
“I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through two miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few leaks behind some big trees. I ran away from an angry mother bear and then ran away from one angry buck.
“The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers and a tall glass of bourbon.”
Amazed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one heck of an outdoorsman!”
“No,” the guy replied, “I’m just a really terrible golfer.”
Small towns — Nancy McKown of Fayetteville forwarded the following to me about growing up a few years ago in a small, rural town. I don’t know its origins, but the person who wrote it obviously was there.
You can name almost everyone you graduated with.
You know what FHA/4-H/ FFA means.
You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, river bank or in the middle of a dirt road.
You used to “drag” or “cruise” Main Street or the highway.
It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
You didn’t give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by the Nelsons’ house, go a block to the Andersons’ place, and then it’s four houses to the left of the field.
You couldn’t help but date a friend’s ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads.
The town next to you was considered “trashy” or “snooty,” but it was actually just like your town.
You referred to anyone with a house newer than 1950 as “the rich people.”
The people in the “big city” dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend two years later.
Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station, the Dairy Queen, bowling alley, or pool hall.
You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
The coaches suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
When you decided to walk somewhere, five people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
Your teachers called you by your older siblings’ names.
Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
There was no McDonald’s, but there was a local cafe.
The closest big city was an hour away.
Most people went by a nickname.
The guys kept their guns in the truck so they could go hunting after school.
Eight out of 10 high school boys could tune a car’s engine; four out of 10 could rebuild that engine.
There was a huge crowd in town on Saturday night.
Farmers could actually trade their eggs, milk, cream, chickens for groceries and other goods at some of the local stores.
You had heard of but not yet seen a TV program.
— E-mail: email@example.com
- Local News
Laird makes plea to save county golf course
Officials in Fayette County are trying to keep a landmark recreational destination away from the state chopping block as lawmakers grapple with a $265 million budgetary shortfall.
Rockefeller reflects on 50 years of support for W.Va. families
Meeting with advocates who are on the frontlines in supporting West Virginia families, Senator Jay Rockefeller said a lot has been accomplished in his 50 years of public service — but that there is more work to do, if all families in the state are to be given all possible chances to succeed.
- Good game!
Fayette mother accused of forging doctor’s excuses
A Fayette County mother faces prison time after allegedly forging doctor’s excuses to avoid a misdemeanor truancy charge.
- Mount Hope fun
HFT announces its 2014 season
The year 2014 brings exciting new opportunities to the Historic Fayette Theater. Once again, Main Stage shows will form the core of the presentations, while special programming comprises the Second Season. These shows are designated as Second Season because they are often pre-cast and offer HFT regulars new opportunities.
Help offered for ACA enrollment
March 31 is the final deadline to apply for private health insurance coverage through the Individual Marketplace created by the Affordable Care Act.
Going to the fair
Several area students participated in last Saturday’s Fayette County Social Studies Fair at Oak Hill High School.
Local food producers highlighted
The West Virginia Food and Farm Coalition will host an exhibition of local food producers in the Beckley/southern West Virginia area March 13 from 11:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at the Dream Center.
Symphony, chorus spring season begins March 3
The spring season of the New River Youth Symphony & Chorus opens on Monday, March 3 at Oak Hill High School and musicians and singers are welcome to join.
- More Local News Headlines
- Laird makes plea to save county golf course